turning into a musician?

So I am slowly becoming a Jessye Norman fanatic…and this is the first time I am admitting it. Youtube knows me too well, because as soon as I get on the site, it pulls up Jessye Norman videos. Is this a problem? Never have I ever been a huge fan of opera singers, which is kinda crazy because I study and perform opera. Is this a normal occurrence for musicians? To not be the biggest of fans of their own craft, except when they do it? Is this healthy? Also, am I just coming to be a fan of a famous singer because I am beginning to have a better understand on how they do what they do? And its not such a big mystery that I become frustrated with myself? 

This past monday was my vocal jury, and I have never been so nervous to perform. Never ever have I gotten that sick before and after. The ironic part is that my teacher called me that night to let me know that was the best she’s ever heard me sing in public. Why is this? How is it that I am becoming obsessed with singers like Norman and Janet Baker, and in my spare time I am constantly thinking of ways to sing better or going over my words…and then when I perform my body rejects me? Well, I guess my body doesn’t “reject” me completely, because Im producing a beautiful sound and look normal. But while I was singing on monday, I felt every heart beat, heard every sound, felt my toes, knees, wrists, saw the shoes on Dr Smolders feet, smelled Christina Hanns perfume…is this open awareness?! Oh my goodness!! It just hit me as I am writing, that is that what happened monday? Am I turning into a musician?!?!!?

I am very excited to see where and what my instrument will be at by the end of my journey here at Miami. I do believe that taking the plunge and coming back to school to do what I am passionate about, was the best choice I ever could of made. It is however terrifying…


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